yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
