Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
