Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
