just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
