Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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