Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My breasts were aching with rage.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
