About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
