You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
