my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
