The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was CRYING into my vagina
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So vagazzling was a success
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
