I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
