I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
