she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
