Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
