peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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