There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
