...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
