Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
