yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
