even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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