why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
