My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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