dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
