Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
