We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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