you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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