Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
