Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
