break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
