i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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