My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
