And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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