Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
