She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm really busy with my period
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