If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
