things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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