I think my vagina is haunted
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
