My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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