dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
