im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
