It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
