I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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