Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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