i just google imaged poop.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
