I'm going to jail i love you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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