question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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