just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
