i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
