i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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