we have pet lesbian snakes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
